Attachment & Personal Boundary

Lan Shu - Life & Spiritual Coach | Certified
Jun 22, 2016
7 min read

“I am a Rainbow Butterfly… I came to remind nature of how beautiful and powerful they truly are, but I am not bound to any particular “flower” or “trees”…I am, and will be forever… free…so should YOU ” - Lan Shu

I am really torn. I honor my being’s desires to show love and compassion to people, but that love & compassion have become a spiritual or emotional “crutch” that some of my clients would cling on to. They felt a sense of connection and belonging that they do not wish to let go. This goes hand in hand with my past blog post on Abandonment Issues.

In Buddhist teachings, attachment was said to be the root cause of all sufferings. When a person cling on to another person or things, they allow that person/things to become part of their own identity… when the person/things they are cling on to disappear, they feel lost and desperate…

Lan Shu, Lan The Rainbow Butterfly, Blog, Lan Shu Blog, Attachment, Personal Boundary

I have become that person my clients like to cling on to. They would want to connect with me all the time even after regular sessions. It is not something they are consciously aware of because for the most part, their behaviors are still driven by habitual feelings and perceptions from the temporal selves. However, when it happens, I literally feel the pull and sensations in my subtle and physical body.

I have a tendency to see pass a person’s struggles, diseases, stories, achievements, failures and SEE directly into their soul essences. No matter what others do, I seem to be able to see their intention behind it and where they are coming from. Those perceptions make me very compassionate for people. Throughout my spiritual journey, I have also becoming a more universal loving person. I allowed myself to become a true vessel for Source’s love, joy, and guidances. I show that love to people around me and my clients, but that “Oneness” and deep connection I felt with others made me forget about my personal boundaries.

As a natural empath and clairsentient person, I also pick up the anxieties, disappointment, expectations…and all the other emotions from my clients even after the sessions have ended. Since I am so in tuned with others’ feelings, I would respond to their messages in a way that I knew was going to make them happy. That makes them want more…they want to be happy and validated. Then I realized I have forsaken my own needs…It is really HARD on me, because I feel like specific flowers are trying to “wrap” me, the Butterfly, inside of them…I can not flutter my wings, can not send my blessings to other flowers who need it too. I know how sensitive & fragile those people are, so I am really trying hard not to hurt their feelings.

My soul mission is to bring Love, Healing, and Transformation to people who feel called to contact me. I did not start doing this work to create any romantic relationship with anyone. I am happy and fully committed in my almost 7-year long marriage. However, I feel as if I am getting pulled into different directions by people sometimes. I feel a lot of unhealthy “cords” attached to me. It is not something I wish on anyone… Other than meeting with clients or being live on Facebook, my everyday routine has always been very spontaneous and also very “zen” like. I love that stillness and sense of spaciousness within my being. It is where my inspiration arise from, and it was my daily “meditation”.

I used to be a very analytical person with a very chattered mind. It was not a good place to be in, for so much tension, anxiety, reasoning, right and wrong, resistances stem from that place. Whenever I have conversation with a person with a busy mind, I am literally forced to “re-experience” those sensations. Still, I was able to hold my presence and awareness and not engage with their ego minds thus fueling it even more. However, by listening or reading their messages, I felt like I was going through an “anti-meditation” process. For I try to be fully present in everything I do, thus I was also fully present while engaging with analytical people. I FEEL them, and that is what makes it tough on me…

My guides are reminding me to set healthy boundaries and spend more time in solitude, so I can re-center and ground myself. They even “emailed” me a free E-book at the exact time I needed it - “Assertiveness for Earth Angels” by Doreen Virtue. It is a lesson I am trying to learn right now as I am typing this blog.

One thing I have learned along my spiritual journey is to truly honor MY feelings and needs. I have also becoming more assertive than I used to be. I learned not to forsake my own happiness in order to make everyone else pleased. This is the lesson I am trying to deliver to my clients - that they do NOT need to cling on to any external “crutch”; that they are ENOUGH; they are worthy; they do NOT need to find true connection externally; that they have to stop forsake their own soul essences that is always there waiting to be reignited…I simply remind them of the feelings of being connected to their soul, but they have to work their own way back into their soul. They have to understand that only our EGO identity can be abandoned, diminished, or judged. Our true self is strong, perfect and WHOLE.

One experience I had was with an indian man, who was very much lost… He was on a blink of committing suicide and I was called to be there for him. He was not my client, but I knew there was a reason why I was there at the same moment he reached out for my help. I barely knew him on a physical level, but I was there to show love and compassion to him unconditionally on a Saturday morning… I spent two hours with him and was able to pull him out of “unconsciousness” & desperation and into the light of awareness. He even laughed a little bit at the end. Sure, he was still angry at the person who hurt him, but he was not suicidal or depressed at the end of the conversation. I was like an Angel who was sent to answer his prayers for help, but I was ready to let go and move on once he was safe. However, he was not ready to let go of me…

He started calling and messaging non-stop the following day, as if I have no personal or work responsibilities other than to attend to his own needs. He did not ask if I was available, he just assumed I was and I should talk to him all the time. He was unable to understand that I had work and personal duties in life. He wants to “trap” me for his own. I eventually had to set the boundary by blocking him, which is not something I enjoy doing… When human discover a unique and wonderful animal or plant, they try to possess and confine them for their own selfish needs; to satisfy their own greed and lust… then the unique animal or plant would eventually lose its intrinsic spark and become “dull”… This is how I felt with some of my clients. I wish I have more bodies so I can attend and company every one of them, but that is the limitation of this physical reality. I can, however, always be there for them when they TRULY need me, not in any obsessive way. I want to help people because I feel called to do so, not because they demand it or It is something I have to do.

The message I was finally given was to set a healthy & clear boundary but in a sensitive and considerate way. At the end of the day, I need to honor my own feelings first in order to be in the best state to continue serving others. I need to communicate to them the difference between universal love and romantic love; I need to remind them of what a professional relationship should be like; I need to remind them that I am a physical person who also have a real life besides my career; I need to remind them to find that true connection within; to remind them of their own powers; to remind them to connect with their own spirit guides, guardian angels, or Source for those beings can be omnipresent with everyone at any time you call for help or company. I need to remind them to open their heart and gifts to receive those guidances and messages from the help from “above”.

I honor this experience, for I am constantly learning and evolving. My love for my clients have not diminished any bit, for I know where they were coming from. It is me who forgot to set boundaries, so they were able to step over the boundary that they didn’t even know existed. I finally realize that there is no paradox between Oneness and Personal Boundaries. I have to honor my personal feelings and desires in order to become a true and full extension of Source; in order to be MORE connected to that Oneness. By disregarding my own boundaries, I was doing the exact opposite. I take full responsibility for this experience and I will continue with my path to spread Love, Light and Joy to humanity…and so IT IS.